Last Thursday was a really hard day. My house was a wreck, my kids were loud and disrespectful, my husband was in a cranky mood, and I was exhausted and ready to burst into tears. So I did what I always do in this typical AF motherhood situation — I called my best mom friend and I unloaded. And drank wine. By the time I hung up the phone, my sides hurt from laughing and I felt like gold because someone I love acknowledged me and selflessly gave her time and energy to make sure that I was going to be okay.
A mom friend for life is a hard find. She is as rare as Hamilton tickets, but when you find her there will be absolutely no mistaking it because she will have most — or all — of these qualities:
1. She’ll tell when you have lipstick on your teeth, a booger hanging from your nose, an awkward wedgie, a bad haircut, and whether or not you can legit rock those skinny jeans. In short, she will help you to not look foolish when you step out into the public.
2. You can show her anything from a weird rash on your derriere to that new fun collection of black hairs that sprouted on your chin overnight, and not only will she not judge you — or wince — but she will probably either show you hers just to commiserate or she’ll help you Google possible cures.
3. She understands why box wine, coffee, yoga pants, and chocolate are not cliché mom items but actual lifelines to get through the day, and she is happy to show up at your door with these items just to make you feel better.
4. If your kid is acting like an asshole, then she won’t beat around the bush. She’ll tell you so. She’ll also respect your preferences on whether or not it is okay to discipline your kids when they are acting like giant turds.
5. She knows your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/life partner is off limits and respects that.
6. She is the Thelma to your Louise and is no stranger to suggesting things like drinking mimosas all day while binge watching cooking shows and ordering Chinese food.
7. She will hold your hair back if you need her to. She will give you a shoulder to cry on and listen to you with an open heart and an open mind. She will show you what unconditional love is.
8. She never questions your mothering skills unless you’re seriously in need of an intervention. Instead, she supports you in everything you do, be it breastfeeding in public or letting your kindergartner get her ears pierced.
9. And when you do get judged for your parenting choices — because we all get that stuff from time to time — she is right there ready to defend to you, ready to listen to you, ready to back you up.
10. When life hits you hard and you lose your job or your kids get sick or your marriage ends or whatever other awful situation arises, your best mom friend right there. Probably with a casserole. And she is ready to pitch in and help you in whatever ways she can. Because that is what love is. Love is showing up.
A close friendship like this doesn’t have to mean daily phone chats or needy hand-holding through life. It just needs two people who truly get each other and who have each other’s back through thick and thin. Kind of a like a marriage — but even better.
It is my turn to return my BFF’s kindness. I think I’ll swing by a bakery, and head over her to place later.