We hear it all: the logistical questions, the candid advice, the comments that warrant nothing more than a fake smile and quick turn of the head. If you’re a mom of twins, then you’ve undoubtedly heard no less than 50 times that “you’ve got your hands full,” or been asked whether your boy/girl twins are identical or fraternal.
While these repetitive and occasionally ignorant comments could leave us feeling weary or annoyed, the good news is that we’re so exhausted trying to live to see the next day, that instead they’ve become a source of laughter and camaraderie for us. Here are five of the most hilarious comments I’ve heard as a mom of twins:
1. Why don’t we grab lunch or coffee? Bring the twins too!
I know how you picture this in your head: Here we are, two gals just sipping our fancy coffees and catching up on life as my twins sit politely in high chairs and color. They may have a few fussy moments, but I can easily control them with food and small toys I’ve brought from home.
This is actually my fantasy.
The real version is I spend half the time in a public restroom changing each kid, which is only slightly worse than the time spent listening to their persistent demands to be let out of their high chairs so they can run around and play with knives, ceramic coffee mugs, and electrical cords.
I’ve probably been able to have a normal, adult conversation for about two minutes of this lunch date. So please excuse my outrageous laugh when you ask to meet me out in public with my twins and the place does not include an enclosed playground, kid-friendly activities, or a built-in nanny.
2. I don’t know what’s harder: taking care of twins or taking care of two kids who are close in age!
Look, I don’t want to take anything away from moms with two kids who are close in age, because yeah, it’s still really hard, and I’m sure you’re also on the brink of losing your sanity. But there isn’t a comparison between caring for one infant and caring for two.
And although I completely understand the challenges of toddlerhood (I have two of them now), I cannot imagine how much easier my life would have been with one kid who could watch a TV show, communicate with words and actions, and eat food with their own hands. My friend put it best when she said, “The only thing harder than twin infants is triplets.”
To make you feel better, I won’t laugh in your face but instead will answer with, “I don’t know! I’m sure they’re both really hard!” But just know this is a bold-faced lie, and I’m not debating it for a second.
3. Are they sleeping through the night?
No, they are not sleeping through the night.
And while I’m half-talking and half-laughing this answer, I’m wondering why this is the most common question asked afbout having twins. The sheer number of people who wonder if our kids are sleeping through the night is astounding. Surely, people understand how hard it is to train even one child to sleep through the night. With twins, the chance of both kids sleeping a full eight hours without waking up and needing something is slim to none.
A more realistic question would be, “How many times are they waking up during the night now?” And an answer of two or less would be winning at life.
4. Which one is the most difficult kid?
Hmmm. Which hour of the day? Which week? Which month?
Twins feed off one another, so while there may be an instigator, there is usually also another guilty party. There’s also a good chance they have opposing habits that drive us crazy, like one never sleeps through the night and the other whines all day long. Which one is worse? I don’t know. If you asked me in the morning, I’d probably say the one who kept me up all night. If you asked me in the afternoon, it would be the one who killed my sanity during the day. The answer to this question usually changes on an hourly basis.
5. We would love to babysit for you one night!
And I would love for us to remain friends.
I know you are perfectly capable of handling twins for a few hours, but you have no clue what you’re in for. It could be the night that one has a poopsplosion in the bathtub while the other runs amuck and cuts their head open on a cabinet corner. Do you really want to make the decision of who comes first, the bloody kid or the poopy kid? This is why I will pretend to accept your offer, never call you for a date night, and cross my fingers you aren’t offended.
All it takes is a little perspective to realize why these comments are so comical to moms of twins. I know that they aren’t going to stop anytime soon, and I know that I’ll keep on laughing through the answers because that’s what moms of twins do.
This post first appeared on Scary Mommy