I remember it like it was yesterday. I was standing in line at our local butcher shop. I had my firstborn who was less than a year old at the time in one hand and a grocery list in the other. I was mid-way through my order when my daughter sneezed, sending a cascade of greenish-yellow snot down her lips. I didn’t have a burp rag or tissue handy so I did the next best thing: I shoved the list between my teeth, bare handed the snot, and wiped it on my back pocket.
As I was doing this, I see the butcher out of the corner of my eye lunging at me screaming, “NOOOOOOOO” — Kleenex clinging to his fingertips.
“Oh, no worries, I got it,” I said.
He looked at me like I’d just killed his cat. This from a man who has his hand up the ass end of a cow most of the day.
Obviously motherhood comes with some disgusting job responsibilities. We’ve all had our fair share of boogers, vomit, and poop to last a lifetime. But there are some other surprises motherhood had in store that I did not see coming.
(On the rare occasion my kids are not in the car with me) I drive in the car with the radio off.
If my younger self could see this, she would travel forward in time and punch me right in the face. What has happened to me?! I love everything about music. Wait, I know! I had three kids who never, ever stop talking and I can’t get a moment of peace. I drive down the road in the silence and calm with a huge smile on my face looking like a crazy person. And it is magical.
My idea of fun is doing absolutely nothing.
I had a single friend tell me the other day, “You and I, we just don’t do anything anymore.” I know, I totally get it. But here is the thing: short of sitting at kid’s sports events, renting movies, wiping butts, and heating up pizza rolls, I don’t really do much else. This is it. This is my life. And if I invite you over to partake in it, it means I love you. And you know what, I totally dig it. I never thought I would, but I do.
I lost my edge.
I drove by a handsome, shirt-less, 20-something earlier today and you know what I said? Instead of thinking to myself, “Yeah baby, I’d hit that,” I actually said out loud, “Oh bless, you better put on sunscreen, you are getting a little red there, son.”
Holy crap, buy me some knee-socks and some neck cream. I have turned into my grandmother.
I love my body.
I thought this would be a gradual slide into the abyss as I aged and had children but remarkably, the opposite has happened. And while I will never be fully accepting, I am at a place where I really am grateful that I am healthy and able to be active and that this body has produced three amazing children. And though it may never be a “wonderland” as much as an “I wonder what exactly happened here and here,” I am indebted by all it has given me and that my husband still chases after me whenever I’m naked.