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To every mama who wonders if she did enough

mom and daughter on yoga mat

Birthdays are milestones that mark the passing of each year, no matter when they land—they are measured in years and inches on the door frame, and in teeth lost or braces gained.

But fall is a time for firsts. Summer is over, vacations have been had, school is starting. The season is transitioning, and so are our kids’ lives.

It seems that no matter the age, the fall is when everything seems to happen.

I have sent three kids off to preschool and kindergarten, first grade and middle school, high school and then two to college. And today I put my oldest on a airplane with a backpack and a grin, a passport and a one way ticket to another country.

I never thought the day would come so soon that one would successfully fly the nest, but it has, and here I am sitting in her room crying, amidst the leftovers of her childhood—hoping that I did enough.

I wonder...if I spent enough time with her—if we went to lunch enough, or shopping, or to museums and plays, or for pedicures.

I wonder...if we snuggled in bed enough, watched movies, read books, drank tea, or if I listened to her enough—if I let her tell me her dreams and didn’t silence her with mine.

I wonder...if I gave her enough of my undivided attention.

I wonder...if I judged her too much, or not enough.

I wonder...if I said everything to her that has been in my heart since the day I first laid eyes on her, when they put her in my arms.

I wonder...if I missed something, will I get another chance?

I look back at the new-mom me, and I wonder what the I-have-a-college-grad me would say to her. I think she would say, love them. Love them up one side and down the other. You are only going to have them with you to love, to teach and to cherish for so long.

Sure, they are going to drive you nuts at times, they are going to defy you at times, they are even going to disappoint you at times. But through it all, you just need to love them. It is the only thing that matters. It is the only thing they will carry in their hearts, no matter where they are, no matter how old they get. It is the only thing that fills their souls and sustains them when they are out facing the world and defining who they are in it.

When they are happy, you want their hearts to brim over in love and good fortune, and when they are sad, you want them to have enough in reserve that they are nourished through even the most challenging times.

And, you want them to want to come home, so you can love them some more.

So just love them. It’s really all that matters.

This post first appeared on Mother.ly

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